They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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