By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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