Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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