Your dad touched me again.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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