there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
