Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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