I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
