so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
