If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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