I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
