my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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