The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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