Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize