I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
