everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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