No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
