i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
