It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
