Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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