So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
