My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
