I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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