I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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