Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
