i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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