Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's blow job season.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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