Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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