OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
