Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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