I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
