Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
