I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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