So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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