so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
