His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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