is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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