I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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