In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
