I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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