Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't deserve a penis
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
