If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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