the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
