the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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