You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
