And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
