??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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