Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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