And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
