Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
