I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
