we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
