I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
