i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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