Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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