Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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