she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
